Saturday, April 12, 2014


I've been interested in Werner Erhard's life and what his life has been about. I realized that this man was the SOURCE for massive changes in the world. And interestingly enough, much like the beginnings of Ruthless Truth, he was ruthless about having people look at their own shit and let it go.

The last time I spoke with Ciaran I made a story up about him. That he's gone off the deep end. That he's being selfish and and and x, y, z...etc But before I had done that I knew that he'd been looking for a 'trigger' or mechanism or cure or SOMETHING that would snap people out of their mental traps and into what is so, and then into a life of love and being kind...etc being authentic and alive and set on doing good in the world, and sharing it with others.

Ok, so I added a few things to the last sentence, but the point is his intentions were coming from a place that I couldn't see.

So I'm sitting outside on the grass next to the gorgeous lake behind my apartment after dusk. I'm eating a tuna salad bowl and thinking to myself "What is important to me?"

You see, my life has been about making money. But that doesn't bring me to life. I used to be a die-hard christian, and being a christian I was more alive than I'd ever been. I lived the possibility of the world being saved, and I lived in the possibility that people would learn to love each other as Jesus' character portrays. Interestingly, I was being my true self - but within a fantasy paradigm/context.

Why my true self? Because I was the possibility of something. Not "Nick". I was whatever I needed to be to let the world know of the message I was so passionate to let the know. But why was I so passionate? Because of the euphoria and intense meaning I had it as. The context that I am a piece of shit who is loved with a love that would endure severe beating (compound that with a love to sacrifice a child who will endure that beating and torture).... it's overwhelming and euphoric.

Anyway, to experience that euphoria, and to see the possibility I saw, that's what drove me. And I understood that I needed to 'stay connected with the holy spirit' by singing praises to god all day and praying until the thoughts in my mind were just continual prayers as I sleep and wake in the night, and shower, and day dream...etc I surrounded myself with everything possible that reminded me of the possibilities of heaven and Jesus, and what I was thankful for..etc

These supported my transformation into being a born again christian. That's why they call it "born again"... it's a transformation.

If I look at Christianity as a framework for transformation and its perpetuation, as many religions basically are, I might be able to find something in that to use for my own life and the life of others.

In Landmark they talk about how sharing possibilities keep those possibilities alive. Also, it's the same with transformation. Sharing transformation with others keeps transformation going.

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