I realized something the other day. It was something that poisoned the cells of my brain to the point that, as Ciaran once said about someone else, I could look upon suffering with tranquil eyes. I knew then, that there was something terribly wrong with how I chose to go about seeing life.
You see, after liberation, or enlightenment, after realizing there is no self I kept digging. It was an unstoppable drill go as far and as hard as my brain could handle. I think this is partly the reason I slept so well those nights, My brain was just so exhausted of drilling everything in life that it would just shut down at night. But that's an exaggeration. However, I did feel alternating periods of stress and then periods of peace. I kept digging. I wanted to reach the bedrock of reality. And I think I did. However its not a place you want to stay forever, lest you are sucked into a kind of void. I saw to much light.
What I saw was this. Beyond the illusion of self, beyond the idea that God is a deity, and beyond all the meaning life could ever have, I pushed passed it all. Until one morning, the time I usually contemplate the purpose of my life, my brain, seemingly on auto pilot, led my head to think of death. To connect the truth about energy being unstoppable, to seeing that as humans we are simply a product of our environments and the development of our psyche, death its self became illusory to me.
I could see, just how a galaxy, a cell, a star can develop as a product of its environment we humans are not separate from that. Our life is just as meaningful as the stars in the sky are to us. Beautiful without a purpose. If they collide and destroy themselves it makes no difference, the universe continues on. Morphing and changing and creating. There is no meaning but the meanings we create for ourselves. And from this perspective there was an intense void of appreciation for life within me.I looked upon humans as vessels which carry knowledge, which feel, think, ideas, beliefs.
Regardless of what I say or do, from the perspective of the universe, we are no more a meaningful than the most magnificent nebula in distance.
Life... how magnificent. We are the gem of the universe. This planet being so incredibly gushing with life. We are the awakening consciousness of the universe. Like the first flower in the vastness of the universe.We are an organic diamond. As far as we know, we are one of the first.
And this diamond is not strong. it is utterly fragile. The self sustaining life, self consuming and perpetuating life that is everything in this planet is something we are part of non-the-less.
How can I look on the majesty of life with careless eyes? How could I become indifferent to the life that sustains me. Sure, on a deeper level we are ultimately made of the same stuff stars are made of. But still, its the Ouroboros. A fragile creature. How could I not love this life that I am as well? How horrible! This is the place where, when indifferent to life, one might as well die.
Last night I was laying in bed thinking about a friend of mine. Before he dropped me off he had ran a few stop signs and got pulled over. He got a ticket for $169 dollars. I felt bad for him and I thought.. his problems are my problems.. he's my dawg! But then I thought, what makes him any different than the rest of the people on this planet? We are indeed a brotherhood of mankind.
And because of this brotherhood, it is our responsibility to do something to help end their problems as well. Being enlightened we must dedicate out lives to saving the rest of our selves, everything in the sea included. We truly are, the keepers of this planet. However we have yet to learn how to coexist. While I sit in my American library, breathing my American air, buying my American clothes, chasing my American girls, eating American styled foods there are people across a body of water killing each other in the name of a phantom. The victims and aggressors both have problems. But they are my brothers alike, and so their problems are my problems. I must take a stand to eradicate these insane behaviors by cutting to the heart of their very lives... their 'god' and their delusion of 'self'.
Even here, in my own country, people are raping, murdering, stealing and suicide themselves, while the rest of the people look on with horrid amusement. Its something to chat about over dinner. its something to be ashamed about. "Whats wrong with those people?" and then follow with a shallow idea about how to fix humanities problems. Then they watch fucking Jersey Shore and entertain themselves to death. The world Trade center can collapse 5 more times and people will still go through the motions.
Tony Robbins had a great idea for motivating one's self. He calls it getting leverage. Getting leverage is when someone places all the catastrophe and the possibility of the shitty life they might have which would continue and happen IF they don't make an alternative and follow it.
its like consciously forcing a breaking point for change.
There is some science that speaks about how systems will continue until forced to change. And when they collapse they either die forever, or they reform themselves into a totally new system. We are reaching this point. Get leverage on yourself, spread the message. Reveal the truth.