Wednesday, January 26, 2011


These emotions are so crazy. They are natural opiates that govern the majority of human experience.

You spend time with your buddies, share fun and exciting experiences together, and have those moments where you think "we are best buds."

You spend time with a girl or guy and feels those love juices pumping. Then, when they are gone, there is a sweet withdrawl. That sweet/sour emotion that lets you know you're in love. And then it's a nice feeling when you know your secure in knowing those feelings are going to be sent back your way.

But what happens when those emotions are felt with different people? Or, what happens when they are felt with more intensity with other people? What happens to the former value the first people had towards you?

Love, intimacy, faithfulness... all these things that are known by emotion are phantoms.

The actions one takes to produce these feelings is what those words mean. The feeling is just knowing when its taking place.

But people are addicted to the feeling. They can be, anyways.

I can't let myself become addicted to any one emotion. I cannot allow this brain to go into a frenzy, placing all kinds of meanings on to what is being felt. Trying to project what its supposed to mean.

These things are not constant. They are phantoms. Ghosts. Spirits.. whatever the fuck you want to call them.
The holy spirit is the feeling is revering something deeply.

If your life is based on chasing these things then what I have to say is, I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry for you.

What other option is there?

Well, its a funny thing that being totally rational can give rise to a knowing that surpasses the need to chase these emotions.

The brain no longer needs to project future scenarios in order to prime the mind to be ready to attain whatever necessary in order to achieve whatever goal that is ultimately a goal because of what it wold FEEL like to get that.

When? What will the brain no longer need to do that crazy thing I just said? When it realizes the lack of self.

When its obvious to you that there is no self. No you. When the inescapable knowing of the universe enters your cerebrum, no longer does the brain needs to place meanings on things, in order to try and pin down an idea of self.

I once knew a youth pastor who told me that he has self image problems.

All the things Jesus talked about were things that required selflessness to do properly.

In order to be that vessel you have to realize the vessel for what it is. Its nor Your vessel. its not God's vessel. Its is just a fucking vessel. But what does this mean?!

Well, stop thinking. Stop pushing ideas around. STOP DOING THAT. Well, first try to get what it is I'm telling you not to do. And don't read on until you do. Otherwise reading in will only confuse you and you won't get anywhere. I'll explain it again....

In your head, there are preexisting ideas about everything. These things make up your map, your schema, your boundaries... whatever you want to call it. Its the make up of how you rationalize everything. All the assumptions that make thinking easier. You build these up. After awhile, a kind of intricate puzzle forms. One that you can move around like an enigma. I hope you can understand that. Because thats exactly what I DONT want you to do. I don't want you relying on your assumptions for this. if any part of that map of your is faulty, your final outcome, the conclusion you'll come to will be faulty. Its like messing up a math equation. You can't get one part of it wrong because it'll give you the wrong answer at the end. Even if you get everything else right.

So instead of using these old assumptions, lets stop for a second and build them fresh. We can start with what is absolutely true for us, from an OBJECTIVE standpoint.

Now, we are starting fresh with drawing evidence to support the idea that there is a self. We are looking for whether or not it is true. So, what we will do instead of drawing in previous conclusions is drill into everything until we hit rock bottom. Until we hit objective fact.

So you can start with anything you think makes you, you. look at it's meaning from the perspective of empty space. Is there anything behind that thing? Nope. It just is what it is. BUT. Is it true? Is it absolutely true?

Drill this down. Its not something you can do in a few minutes. Sit down and actively look. Take a walk. Sit on a bench, a rock...w/e and just look. Don't stop, ever, until you see that this is true. There is no you. is it true?

There is no you.. is it true? Just look. Be cold and rational. Be ruthless in your honesty. Just look.

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