Verbal Asswhipping

Sometimes one is required.

The journey has gone something like this.

First I realized there is no me.

Then I realized there was no one else either.

Then I realized what death means to me.

Then I looked and figured that there can't be individual souls.

Finally, today, with a verbal, soul wrenching, ass whipping for doing exactly what this looks like (which is to say, being slack) I realized one other thing.

This other thing I realized is a tricky one though because its like the snake in the garden. Seriously, the words can trip you up like it did for me and it is a shift in realizing something. From "you are the universe" back again to "There is just the universe".

Only this time, at least for me, another layer of haze is removed and there is more clarity.

There is clarity but there isn't also this gnawing blind spot that was a pit in my stomach.

Sure I could free people with the time I spent alone, staring and searching a little, but there is depth to this and I wish to explore it.

But the thing is this...
In me, I could not understand why these motivations continued to waver. The one place I might turn to for help or guidance is the same place I'd be rejected and shunned so I had to stick to myself and sort it out alone. I see now that seriously, theres nothing they could do anyways. 

And now, just as it was before, there is but one purpose for me as I can see that there is a knowing in my hands that is literally, the bed rock of reality. And this truth can shake the foundations of the people on this planet.

Its like I've been enlightened all over again. And the funny thing is, it always precedes a verbal ass whipping.

So thanks for the ass whipping.

So the question now is, do I give a fuck anymore? Will I continue to see and use my head instead of talking about random shit that has nothing to do with freeing people, and start freeing people?!

Right now I honestly can't see any other purpose. Any other worthy cause. I mean, I could go die in a cave. I could go get laid, I could start a business, I could do a lot of fucking things.
But I could also use this to free people from their suffering, and stop impending suffering from happening.

I could literally save the world.

But unless I'm zenning out, and unless I'm witnessing the suffering in others, daily, that shit gets washed out of my head.

Actually, I've been so fragmented. From women, to video games, to toking with friends, to saving the world via internet...

Just like before I can see what a FUCKING WASTE OF TIME all the former things are, and how crucial the last is.

I'm fucking STARVING. On to some eggplant lasagna. Yummmmm.